Couldn't be arsed to clean the table first

Oh gosh! A package?! A package upon which the addresses have been mysteriously blurred out? What could possibly be inside???

Oh gosh, I'm so excited, what could it beeee?

Balls of trash! Just what I've always wanted!

No, wait, it's... lurn keychains! What I've always wanted slightly more than balls of trash!

They look really nice. One of them is a bit concave, which makes me laugh. They're also hard as shit. I was expecting something a bit softer, I guess? Shrinkydinks are neat.

Sweet Snake agrees!

sharky shut up

Ah, mod applications. The whole business is terribly amusing. Everyone running around, making two-dimensional attempts to look good in front of staff so they'll get chosen.

What kills me is that people actually put "I mini-mod a lot" on their applications. A tip; we don't like minimods. It's one thing if someone reminds a new user that they can't advertise, but some people habitually use enforcing rules as an excuse to yell at users that annoy them.

You can't do that. You can't bend the rules and you can't dislike anybody.

Sure, there are people who I dislike on neurogalaxy. But I can't show that, not ever. A moderator is friendly and nice to everyone, regardless of how shitty they are. Even if they're practically spitting in your mouth, you've got to stand there and keep smiling. There have been times when I've been so pissed off I've had to leave the computer. But even then I haven't lashed out. I haven't said a thing.

The customer is always right. Just because we're nice doesn't mean we're not a business.

Also, on a completely unrelated matter:

Why you will never work for Neurogalaxy

An informative guide for crushing dreams.
There are a lot of people who send us messages about joining the art staff of Neurogalaxy. They often send us items they've made and clothing they've drawn in order to entice us into hiring them. While we do genuinely appreciate those who want to help us, we have never hired anyone this way and probably never will.

If you want a short answer, you aren't good enough. There are a lot of deep misconceptions about the position in general that I've seen in about 100% of the people who want the job. Let me just clear some of those up right now.

I can draw whatever I want!
Well, yes, you are physically able to do that. You can draw whatever you want for NG as an Artist. But the question is, will it get used? More often then not, no. You can design NPCs, pet enchantments, items, whatever you want, but it's not up to you if they get used. If you make a ton of items and other nonsense based on your original characters, it will more than likely be outright rejected.

You don't decide what you work on. The admins tell you what to draw. If you don't do the work assigned to you, you're out.

It's easy to draw this stuff!

Right? Mercenary clothing has to be the simplest thing ever. Just some quick shading, aaaand done! Anyone can do this!

Sorry, but no. Mercenary clothing has a VERY strict set of rules in terms of color palette and shading style. In fact, the only people who can do it are Chiru and Kiaryi. Yeah, that's right; they're the only ones who can draw the clothing items. The process isn't simple, either. It involves a lot of resizing, shading, layer shenanigans and is very time-consuming.

Recoloring is super easy, I can do that!

Recoloring involves carefully picking out colors from existing items by looking through hundreds of clothes that exist on the site before any editing is done. It is an extremely tedious process, so no, you can't just choose colors by playing with the hue.

I can just draw items or pets, then!

There is no person on staff who only does one thing. Tyriel did programming and wrote book excerpts. Sgtdroopy wrote Lloud's stories and is working on updated the FAQ in addition to moderating. I won't even get into all the crap that the assistant admins do, lordy. My point is, you need to be multi-talented. Someone who can only draw pets or items is much less useful than someone who can do them both and more.

I can design clothes and NPCs and stuff too!

We really don't need any more people telling us what to draw. Our Artists can come up with clothes well enough on their own. We don't really need designers for NPCs, since none of them are especially deep or unique. They have some clothes, and some personality, and making those things isn't really a skill that we need an entire separate person to do.

Well... I'll work for free!

Not a single person has ever said this and been able to reproduce Neurogalaxy's style or meet our standards of quality. (If you've got the skill to get a job with us, you should really aim a bit higher than NG anyway.)

What? My art isn't BAD!

It probably isn't. But like I said, we have a standard of quality and a particular style that we adhere to with all of our items, mercenary clothes and pets.

Take a look at these two items; one from Subeta and the other from Neurogalaxy. They are vastly different, anyone should be able to tell that. One is brightly colored, and one has more small detail. But there are other things, too. The line width, the pose, the size, the palette; they are all carefully picked in both instances. It's not enough to be a good artist, you have to understand the things you are drawing. Everything it means, and everything it is.

That's what it means to be a professional artist.

That's so mean!

And that's why you won't work for NG. Nothing I've said was insulting; only a painful truth. I'm sorry if I've hurt any feelings, but these things need to be said. You can't take things like that personally if you want to have a job as an artist. Quite frankly, your career will be full of people ripping your art apart with critique. You need to have a good sense of humor or you'll be trampled.

This is a job, an actual profession, not a daycare.

You can be the most amazing artist in the world and still be fired for having a rotten attitude. It is like that in just about any job you take. Your skill will ALWAYS be second in the workplace to how well you can get along with the people around you. If you argue with the staff, or throw a fit, or complain too much then you WILL be fired.

None of that applies to me! I'm a great artist and a great person!

We don't hire out of the community. Applications are submitted to us through Agoge Inc.

No this is not what I ordered at all

I promised witchboys! And I lied. That is a thing I do, I lie. I lie about where those stains came from, or what I was doing last night, and I lie about the dumb things I put on my blog. I actually got ahold of some animation stuffies. I promptly went on a spree of poorly drawn scribblegifs, because scribbling is what I do best apparently.

Most of these were requests from people on NG.

Someone's yellow/devolved Yarrul, dancing. This was actually drawn later, when I cared enough to stay inside the lines, haha.

Dancing blooper. A lot of these are "dancing ___" actually.

Bnowhunon riding a giant possessed potato.

Candypanda eating cheese.

A cow eating grass! I tried to make it a little more complicated, because the person who requested it had drawn me this earlier, but it ended up dumb and choppy and I forgot to color in the udders. A++

This was the first one I did, someone asked for a duck. But... this is the only kind of bird I can draw.

GAB GAB GAB GAB GAB

 A unicorn. I arbitrarily decided to style it after one I was familiar with, but realized a bit too late that unicorns and pegasi are in fact not the same thing.

A friend's dog dancing.

Superboy punching a wall.

I just combined two requests here, a cat tapdancing and a cat chasing a butterfly. So... it's a cat tapdancing at a butterfly.

Some kind of barn owl. I drew a brown penguin about four times before deciding I should look at what barn owls actually look like.

This was the finale between an epic battle between myself and friend, who happens to be an admin on Neurogalaxy! It began with some comments about Jason Todd, afterwhich admin powers were abused to assault my effigy in his name, efforts that were deftly countered and then once more.

I believe I have emerged victorious from that battle.

Who ordered a pile of scribbles

I feel like this picture describes the following post perfectly. Actually, it describes a lot of things I do.

(I've had these pictures taking up space on my HD, I figured I might as well toss them somewhere, haha.)

Various pokemon drawn for various reasons.

Fat Griffo you are so fat how do you even fly you are ridiculous

Some silly AU stuff I couldn't be arsed to finish.

 

Drawn in response to this. I'M COMING FOR YOU, VALENTINE.

That's all my mouse-drawn scribbles, at least. I finally got around to setting up the scanner I got for christmas, so I have a few comics waiting for be colored.

I have noticed that the quality of the scanner doesn't seem up to par with my old one, which is fantastic because this one probably cost about five times as much. Here's a panel of this, directly from the scanner;

Pencil and a dark blue marker that came out white and bright blue. On one hand, it makes the paper white where scans from the other one were grey and grainy. But it also brightens everything else in a way I don't like.

Ah well, it doesn't make that much of a difference. I hardly ever post things that I haven't digitially reinked anyway.

Next post will probably be nothing but witchboys, because I have a problem.

I TOLD YOU DOG

Due to a server crash, a lot of things have stopped working on Neurogalaxy; a lot of the most important features have been down for several days. By the time I logged on, just about all the bugs had been found and I began trying to contain the complaints/reports about glitches.

A newspost was made later,  explaining what had happened. It also asked that all bugs be reported via help tickets so that the programmers could deal with them.






HAVE FUN WITH THAT.

THE VOID STARES BACK

As my job search has been more than unsuccessful and at the same time mostly nonexistant, most of my time seems to be spent on the internet. Or, more accurately, on the small online game I am a moderator for.

Neurogalaxy is not a particularly complicated game by any stretch of the imagination. Most of the concepts within the game aren't especially new, and even then it's very self-explanatory. At the same time, though, it's aimed at a demographic that was never particularly intelligent.

Part of my duties as a moderator is to answer Help Tickets, which is exactly as it says on the tin. The other staff members- the artists and programmers- are busy having wild parties and actually getting paid, so most of the tickets are handled by the moderators.

I'd like to highlight some of the more insane ones that have been posted. Some of them I've actually wasted time answering, others I've just closed outright. Every single one, though, is utterly ridiculous.

This is the best thing anyone has ever said to me. I actually kept it in my ticketdesk for a while, unanswered, because I loved it so much.

I was going to answer, "I found it, it is inside of my head" but I didn't on the off-chance this person was actually a ghost and saying that would make them haunt me in my sleep. It made sense at the time I was answering this, which in retrospect was pretty late.

Unfortunately, my fellow moderator and part-time piece of pie found this gem first. He was courteous enough to send it to my desk so I could see it, though. We're currently planning a yard sale of all this user's items so we can afford to take over the game and hopefully move foreword with it.

At first I assumed that this person was confused by the fact that the game is set in a world created by several gods and goddesses. Then I remembered that to find out this information, you would actually have to actually READ the words on the screen.

???