Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I fell asleep on my keyboard and this was on my screen when I woke up

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Can YOU count all the bad puns?

It's difficult for me to remember a time in which I was not overweight. It is also difficult to remember a time in which I cared. No, for as long as I can recall I have always bellied rude comments about that fact. Because that is what it is; I am fat, and I could not care less if someone points it out to me.

I went to my doctor recently to get medicine for some problems I had been having, and a vaguely predictable outcome unfolded.

The doctor seemed to be so excited to find someone of my girth that she could not restrain herself in regailing story after idiotic story of her own youth. The woman insisted upon reporting to me that she too, had been fat in her college years. She phrased it in such a way that irritated me more than it should have; slathered with sincerity as if encouraging me that it was OKAY to be fat.

-As if this had never dawned on my in my 18 years of life, in a country the majority of which is overweight. And more severely so than myself, I'd like to state. I suppose I can't blame her for not knowing about my unending apathy. The doctor told me several stories about stealing food, sneaking it into places and even memorizing the pattern in which her roommate dug into her Häagen-Dazs ice creams so she could scoop some out in the same way- which I laughed at, but quickly silenced myself when I realized she was being utterly serious.

My attempts to rally her back on topic ended in a disastrous lesson on STDs and an entirely unsolicited step-by-step walk-through of various Gynecological procedures.

In the end I was given prescription-strength Advil and sent on my way. It baffles me why this exists- the pils are so large it seems like they just taped several Advil together and you can achieve the same result by doing just that. But, the conversation with the doctor left me with something. Well, not really, she just made an offhand suggestion to join Weight Watchers. I won't give her any credit for it, though, because that was still not the point of my visit.

Discussing weight with my mother later, I relayed to her the doctor's suggestion. My family as a whole hasn't been particularly healthy as of late('late' meaning 'ever' in this instance), and it's something that seemed to be growing into a problem. So last Wednesday we someone all ended up at the nearby Weight Watcher's building, listening to a very loud women talk about points and thanksgiving.

One question nagged me throughout the meeting.

Truly perplexing!

Monday, November 15, 2010


As my job search has been more than unsuccessful and at the same time mostly nonexistant, most of my time seems to be spent on the internet. Or, more accurately, on the small online game I am a moderator for.

Neurogalaxy is not a particularly complicated game by any stretch of the imagination. Most of the concepts within the game aren't especially new, and even then it's very self-explanatory. At the same time, though, it's aimed at a demographic that was never particularly intelligent.

Part of my duties as a moderator is to answer Help Tickets, which is exactly as it says on the tin. The other staff members- the artists and programmers- are busy having wild parties and actually getting paid, so most of the tickets are handled by the moderators.

I'd like to highlight some of the more insane ones that have been posted. Some of them I've actually wasted time answering, others I've just closed outright. Every single one, though, is utterly ridiculous.

This is the best thing anyone has ever said to me. I actually kept it in my ticketdesk for a while, unanswered, because I loved it so much.

I was going to answer, "I found it, it is inside of my head" but I didn't on the off-chance this person was actually a ghost and saying that would make them haunt me in my sleep. It made sense at the time I was answering this, which in retrospect was pretty late.

Unfortunately, my fellow moderator and part-time piece of pie found this gem first. He was courteous enough to send it to my desk so I could see it, though. We're currently planning a yard sale of all this user's items so we can afford to take over the game and hopefully move foreword with it.
At first I assumed that this person was confused by the fact that the game is set in a world created by several gods and goddesses. Then I remembered that to find out this information, you would actually have to actually READ the words on the screen.